ND

NeuroDivergent Relationship Resources

The term NeuroDiverse has been used to refer both to an individual with a NeuroDiverse (ND) functioning brain as well as relationships where one of the parties is NeuroDiverse (ND) and the other NeuroTypical (NT).  Perhaps a better term for such relationships would be NeuroDivergent, alluding to the idea that the two parties have brains that operate in a dissimilar fashion, almost as if they were on separate tracks, and may find it very difficult to come together “as one.”

NeuroTypical individuals (NT’s) have brains that process thoughts and feelings in ways that are common to the majority of the population, whereas ND individuals brains are wired differently and may handle communications, time, and emotions in a completely different way. Differences in brain wiring (particularly in connections between the pre-frontal cortex and the other parts of the brain)  may affect an ND brain’s Executive Function capacity and fluency. This difference in brain processing can contribute to recurring patterns of behavior and resulting effects on relationships.

It may be a little less confusing to describe relationships as either NeuroCongruent (where both parties’ brain functioning is similar such as NT-NT and ND-ND), or NeuroIncongruent (where there is a a mismatch between brain functioning types, NT-ND).

This webpage is a collection of resources with links to articles, videos, and podcasts to help those new to NeuroDiversity or the concept of NeuroDivergent relationships to understand what that entails and how it may impact their relationship over time. It may be particularly helpful for NT partners who are in a NeuroIncongruent relationships  and trying to understand the challenging reality they find themselves living in.

On this website, NeuroDiverse (ND) may refer to those on the Autism Spectrum (ASD) as well as those who have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD/ADD) or both (sometimes referred to as AuDHD). NeuroTypicals are those whose executive functioning and processing of emotions and non-verbal communications are in a manner more consistent with the general population. In reality, all individuals can vary in the presentation of behaviors that may or may not line up with certain descriptions, and it may be fair to say that everyone exists somewhere along a spectrum of descriptors for differing brain function measurements. NT/ND may therefore be characterized not as a binary distinction, but rather as a measure of degree along multiple dimensions of behavior and brain functioning characteristics.

Word Pictures Describing ND Relationships from the NT perspective

Several word pictures have been created to describe and explain how a NT partner experiences a NeuroIncongruent relationship:

  1. The Onion of Profound Loneliness
  2. Cup vs. Barrel (Differing Relational Needs)
  3. Wedding Day as Finish Line (ND) vs. Starting Line (NT)
  4. The Egg of Marriage : (the Effect of Masking)
  5. Monochrome vs. Color: Differences in Emotional Fluency
  6. Single threaded vs. Multi threaded CPU’s : Differences in Brain Processing
  7. The New (Funny) Car Metaphor: Buying a new high performance vehicle and bringing it home to find that it does not drive well off the drag racing track.

These seven word pictures were introduced on Mona Kay’s NeuroDiverse Love Podcast – Season 6, Episode #22  (aired 2024-01-09) and Episode #24 (aired 2024-01-23)

Word Pictures #1-4 (Episode #22) aired on 2024-01-09

Link to clean audio https://bit.ly/NDwordpicsA

On Spotify https://open.spotify.com/episode/37gAwaZSB8gSm7BXim9ecd

Word pictures #5-(7 – (Episode #24) aired 2024-01-23

Link to audio https://bit.ly/NDwordpicsB

On Spotify https://open.spotify.com/episode/0glRO3SfUpAjufvdTdQDFv 

Book Resources for Understanding NeuroDiversity

Books on Autism (ASD/Asperger’s syndrome) and relationships

  • Devon Price: Unmasking Autism – Discovering the New Faces of Neuro Diversity  (2022)(MUST READ) Devon is on the spectrum themself.
  • Lorna Hecker : Different Planets – Understanding Your Neurodiverse Relationship (2022)
  • Maxine Aston: The Other Half of Asperger’s Syndrome – A Guide to Living in an Intimate Relationship with a Partner Who is on the Autism Spectrum (2001/2014)
  • Kate McNulty: Love and Asperger’s – Practical Strategies to Help Couples Understand Each Other and Strengthen Their Connection (2020) Kate is autistic and is an LSCW
  • Katrin Bentley: Alone Together – Making an Asperger Marriage Work (2007) Katrin is married to a husband with ASD.
  • Sarah Hendrickx: Women and Girls with Autism Spectrum – Understanding Life Experiences From Early Childhood To Old Age (2015) Sarah is on the spectrum herself.
  • Cynthia Kim: Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate – A User Guide to an Asperger Life (2015) Cynthia is on the spectrum herself.
  • Temple Grandin: The Autistic Brain – Helping Different Kinds of Minds Succeed (2013) – Temple is on the spectrum herself.
  • Tony Atwood : The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome (2006)
  • Maxine Aston : Asperger’s in Love (2003)

Books on Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD/ADHD) and relationships

  • Melissa Orlov: The ADHD Effect on Marriage – Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps
  • Susan Tschudi: Loving Someone With Attention Deficit Disorder – A Practical Guide to Understanding Your Partner, Improving Communication &Strengthening Your Relationship
  • Sari Solden: Women with Attention Deficit Disorder – Embrace Your Differences and Transform Your Life
  • Gina Pera: Is It You, Me, or Adult ADD? – Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone you Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder
  • Kate Kelley & Peggy Ramundo: You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?! – The Classic Self Help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder
  • Russell Barkley: Executive Functions – What they are, How they work, and Why they evolved

Other Books of note

  • Daniel Lieberman : The Molecule of More – How a Single Chemical in Your Brain (Dopamine) Drives Love, Sex, and Creativity and Will Determine the Fate of the Human Race
  • John Gottman: Why Marriages Succeed or Fail – And How to Make Yours Last
  • John Gottman: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
  • Marshall Rosenberg: Nonviolent Communication : A Language of Life (Empathy, Collaboration, Authenticity, Freedom)

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD, Asperger’s Syndrome)

Asperger/Autism Network Fact Sheet

https://www.aane.org/asperger-fact-sheet/

Interactive Autism Network Explainer

https://www.iancommunity.org/about-autism-spectrum-disorder

Autism dimensions wheel model (This is a revelation on how to understand AS)

https://themighty.com/2020/03/autism-spectrum-wheel/ 

Cambridge University’s Autism Research Centre

https://www.autismresearchcentre.com/research/what-is-autism/

Autism  diagnostic resources – https://www.autismresearchcentre.com/tests/

Quick and Simple 10 question tools that are not intimidating:

      • Autism Spectrum Quotient – 10 items (AQ-10) (Adult)
      • Empathy Quotient – 10 items (EQ-10) (Adult)
      • Sensory Perception Quotient – 10 items (SPQ-10) (Adult)
      • Systemizing Quotient – 10 items (SQ-10) (Adult)

There are much lengthier versions (50-60+ questions) and ones for younger individuals on the site for download and in a variety of languages.

Autism in Women and Girls – “Hiding in Plain Sight: Shining Light on Women with Asperger/Autism Profiles.” Sarah Hendrickx – AANE Conference -March 2017 (video 1:28:42)

See TED Talks about Autism below

Autism Primer (Kenneth Roberson, PhD)

Dr. Roberson has a website/blog with a series of very high quality articles that provide a good overview of issues facing an autistic individual and relationships involving autistic and non-autistic individuals. The articles are succinct but cover each topic with enough depth to give one a good idea of the scope and severity of the challenges that may be encountered as well as some strategies for how to deal with them. This is one of the best resources I have come across and I am providing links to the individual articles here to make it easier for you to find information on the sub topic of interest:

Link to curated list of articles by Kenneth Roberson.

Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD/ADHD)

What is ADHD (Jessica McCabe, “How To ADHD” 3:27)

https://youtu.be/xMWtGozn5jU

How to Explain ADHD  (Jessica McCabe, “How To ADHD” 7:39)

https://youtu.be/jhcn1_qsYmg

Brain Wiring differences in ADHD brains – current research

https://www.additudemag.com/current-research-on-adhd-breakdown-of-the-adhd-brain/

The Chemical Imbalance in Mental Health Conditions  (Dopamine and ADHD)

https://mhmatters.com/the-chemical-imbalance-in-mental-health-problems/#Dopamine_Parkinson8217s_Disease_and_ADHD_to_Smoking_and_Paranoia

ADHD/ADD effect on relationship articles:

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/add-adhd/adult-adhd-attention-deficit-disorder-and-relationships.htm

https://www.additudemag.com/category/manage-adhd-life/relationships/

How to Deal with Rejection Sensitivity (Jessica McCabe “How to ADHD” 9:27)

https://youtu.be/jM3azhiOy5E 

See section below on Executive Function and ADD/ADHD

ASD and ADD Comorbidity

ADHD and Autism in Children and Adults: The Missed Diagnosis with Thomas E. Brown, Ph.D. (1:03:02)

https://youtu.be/oZXbHVjykEU

ADHD and Autism: The overlap of traits in smart kids & adults with Thomas E. Brown, Ph.D. (1:18:51)

https://youtu.be/HKDrGIcK97U

Autism and Emotions

Discussion from the perspective of someone who is AuDHD – both Autistic and ADHD (Dr. Megan Anna Neff of NeuroDivergentInsights.com)

Podcast: Autistic Emotion Ep8 June 30, 2023 – https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/divergent-conversations/id1662009631?i=1000618871824

Alexithymia : Lacking Words for Feelings

(can be present in both ADD/ASD)

Alexithymia – What if I can’t tell what I’m feeling? (Jessica McCabe, “How to ADHD” 4:24)

https://youtu.be/gyMOSsg3Nps

Emotional Blindness (Scientific American)

https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/mind-guest-blog/the-emotional-blindness-of-alexithymia/

Gottman Feeling Wheel (PDF) – chart of feelings and words for greater nuance

https://bit.ly/GottmanFeelingWheelPDF 

Alexithymia Wheel of Traits

https://neurodivergentinsights.com/blog/alexithymia-traits-explained

Loneliness of Alexithymia

https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/the-loneliness-of-alexithymia/

Toronto Alexithymia Scale (self test online)

https://psycho-tests.com/test/tas

Discussion from the perspective of someone who is AuDHD – both Autistic and ADHD (Dr. Megan Anna Neff of NeuroDivergentInsights.com)

Divergent Conversations Podcast Episode: Understanding Alexithymia Ep10  July 14, 2023 – https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/divergent-conversations/id1662009631?i=1000621130452

Neuro-Scientific Perspective on Alexithymia

https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.01614/full

https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/people-alexithymia-emotions-mystery/

Autism and Masking

The Many Disguises of Adult ASD (Dr. Kenneth Roberson)

https://kennethrobersonphd.com/many-disguises-adult-aspergers-syndrome

Trying To Be Normal: Camouflaging In Women With ASD (Dr. Kenneth Roberson)

https://kennethrobersonphd.com/trying-to-be-normal-camouflaging-in-women-with-aspergers/

How to spot autism in High Masking Autistic Women – What’s behind the mask? (Paul Micallef 14:56).

https://youtu.be/oYycpKcUhc4

The True Cost Of Autistic Masking (Damaging Effects Of Unconscious Masking) (Paul Micallef 9:33).

https://youtu.be/RPSJzT7agl8

Individuals with Aspergers Autism may deliberately fake it in diagnostic tests (AspergerPartner)

http://www.aspergerpartner.com/individuals-with-hfa-may-deliberately-fake-it-in-diagnostic-tests.html

Discussion from the perspective of someone who is AuDHD – both Autistic and ADHD (Dr. Megan Anna Neff of NeuroDivergentInsights.com)

Divergent Conversations Podcast Episode – Autistic Masking: The Impact on Mental Health, Identity, Safety, and Privilege  Ep14 Aug 11, 2023 – https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/divergent-conversations/id1662009631?i=1000624135553

Autistic Meltdown, Shutdown and Burnout

The Autistic Experience of Sensory Overwhelm, Meltdowns, and Shutdowns (from the perspective of someone with ASD)

https://neuroclastic.com/the-autistic-experience-of-overwhelm/

Coping With Autism Spectrum Disorder Meltdowns (Dr. Kenneth Roberson)

https://kennethrobersonphd.com/coping-asperger-meltdowns/

Autistic Burnout: Coping in Adults With ASD (Dr. Kenneth Roberson)

https://kennethrobersonphd.com/autistic-burnout-coping-in-adults-with-aspergers-syndrome/

Autistic Regression and Burnout : Descriptions of Life on the Spectrum (Dr. Kenneth Roberson)

https://kennethrobersonphd.com/autistic-regression-and-burnout-descriptions-of-life-on-the-spectrum/

Discussion from the perspective of someone who is AuDHD – both Autistic and ADHD (Dr. Megan Anna Neff of NeuroDivergentInsights.com)

Divergent Conversations Podcast Episode – Autistic Burnout Ep2/33. Dec 22, 2023 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/divergent-conversations/id1662009631?i=1000639435878

Rejection Sensitivity

How to Deal with Rejection Sensitivity (Jessica McCabe “How to ADHD” 9:27)

https://youtu.be/jM3azhiOy5E 

How Rejection Sensitivity Casts a Cloud Over My Marriage (ADDitude Magazine online)

https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitivity-adhd-marriage

Discussion from the perspective of someone who is AuDHD – both Autistic and ADHD (Dr. Megan Anna Neff of NeuroDivergentInsights.com)

Divergent Conversations Podcast Episode – Inside Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria : Insights on RSD, Mental Health, and Relationships. Ep 27. 11/10/2023 – https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/divergent-conversations/id1662009631?i=1000634366273

Autism and Sexuality

Eileen Crehan, Ph.D Webinar: Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity, and Autism Spectrum Disorder (56:49)

https://youtu.be/jlBpti_Dkow

Sexual Intimacy And Adults With Autism Spectrum Disorder (Dr. Kenneth Roberson)

https://kennethrobersonphd.com/sexual-intimacy-and-adults-with-aspergers/

NT Partner’s Experience – Cassandra Syndrome

Cassandra Syndrome Article (Daniel Dashnaw, MFT)

https://www.couplestherapyinc.com/cassandra-syndrome/

Loneliness in ND Relationships (Sarah Swenson, LMHC) (PDF if the link below does not work)

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-to-deal-with-loneliness-in-a-relationship-when-one-partner-is-autistic-1031194

Excellent chart showing the effects of Neuro-Incongruent relationships (one NT, the other ND) on the various parties in the relationship.

https://www.theneurotypical.com/effects-on-differing-nd-levels.html

Best in-depth description of the experience of an NT spouse of ASD partner https://asdmarriage.com/blog/

Exceptional Posts:

  • The Barren Desert of Emotional Reciprocity (Oct 7, 2022)

https://asdmarriage.com/2022/10/07/the-barren-desert-of-emotional-reciprocity/

  • The Deprivation of Sense Making for Cassandra (Aug. 11, 2022)

https://asdmarriage.com/2022/08/11/the-deprivation-of-sense-making-for-cassandra/

  • Alexithymia, Mind-blindness & Sex Dysfunction in ASD-NT Marriages (June 28, 2022)

https://asdmarriage.com/2022/06/28/alexithymia-mind-blindness-sexual-dysfunction-in-asd-nt-marriages/

  • The Criminalization of Emotion in Neurodiverse Marriages (May 21, 2022)

https://asdmarriage.com/2022/06/11/the-criminalization-of-emotion-in-neurodiverse-marriages/

  • Is it Autistic Burnout or Shut out?

https://asdmarriage.com/2022/04/05/is-it-an-autistic-shut-down-or-an-asd-shut-out

Cassandra Syndrome and Marriage to Partner on the Autism Spectrum Disorder Explanation Video (Mark Hutton 6:09)

https://youtu.be/MKMqaY38Z5U

NeuroTypical Support Website: Cassandra Phenomenon

https://www.theneurotypical.com/cassandra_phenomenon.html

Cassandra Syndrome article (excellent diagrams in the article illustrating Communication Demand Distress)

https://www.connections-counselling.co.uk/blog/cassandra-phenomenon-a-systemic-perspective/

Why Cassandra Syndrome Doesn’t Explain Everything (Sarah Swenson, LMHC) – Try Affective Deprivation Disorder

https://sarahswensonlmhc.substack.com/p/why-cassandra-syndrome-doesnt-explain

Affective Deprivation Disorder (Maxine Easton) – AfDD not an “official” diagnosis on the DSM … yet

https://www.maxineaston.co.uk/cassandra/AfDD.shtml

Understanding the intimacy Avoidant marriage

https://www.couplestherapyinc.com/intimacy-avoidant-marriage/

Communication Challenges in NeuroDiverse Relationships (Leslie Sickels – video 1hr 25min)

https://youtu.be/cwtKfVx56iI

OTRS Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Syndrome: 

https://psychcentral.com/autism/feeling-invisible-in-the-asperger-world

http://www.aspergerpartner.com/the-burden-on-nt-spouses-and-children-otrs.html

AspergerPartner.com (a Danish website with some articles in English)

Table of Impacts and Deficits in NT-ASD Marriages/Relationships

Table of Effects of Differing Neurodevelopmental levels  on NT/AS adult relationships

Intimacy and Romance in NT-AS Relations –

http://www.aspergerpartner.com/intimacy-and-romance-in-nt-as-relations.html

15 Tips for NT Spouses

http://www.aspergerpartner.com/15-tips-for-nt-spouses.html

The Impossible Conversation with an Adult with Asperger’s / HFA

http://www.aspergerpartner.com/the-impossoble-conversation-with-an-adult-with-aspergers-hfa.html

Intimacy and Romance in NT-AS Relations –

http://www.aspergerpartner.com/intimacy-and-romance-in-nt-as-relations.html

Complex Trauma – CPTSD

Many NT partners in a Neuro Incongruent relationship experience Complex Trauma, also known as CPTSD. Whereas PTSD is caused by a singular traumatic events, CPTSD takes place over a long period of time and can be caused by prolonged emotional neglect. This is such a significant area of concern, a separate webpage has been created for this topic and highlights some video resources created by Tim Fletcher, a mental health professional in Canada. Here are some key videos for NT partners in Neuro Incongruent relationships:

  • Understanding Complex Trauma – Overview

https://bit.ly/tfComplexTrauma1vid

Notes https://bit.ly/tfComplexTrauma1

  • Understanding Complex Trauma – Adaptations and Soul Murder

https://bit.ly/tfComplexTrauma6vid

Notes: https://bit.ly/tfComplexTrauma6

  • Understanding Complex Trauma – Emotional Neglect Trauma pt 1

https://bit.ly/tfComplexTrauma14vid

Notes: https://bit.ly/tfComplexTrauma14

ADDITIONAL VIDEOS: Dedicated webpage of additional Tim Fletcher CPTSD resources here.

Empathy

Autism and Empathy

https://psychcentral.com/autism/autism-and-empathy?

Cognitive and Emotional Empathy

https://www.verywellmind.com/cognitive-and-emotional-empathy-4582389

Affective and cognitive empathy in adolescents with ASD

https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnhum.2014.00791/full

Three Types of Empathy

https://www.inc.com/justin-bariso/there-are-actually-3-types-of-empathy-heres-how-they-differ-and-how-you-can-develop-them-all.html

Empathy vs Sympathy

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201505/empathy-vs-sympathy

Executive Function Delays or Impairments (may affect both ADD/ADHD and ASD)

Executive Functions of the Brain (concentrated processes in the Pre-Frontal Cortex of the Brain) according to Dr. Russell Barkley specifically from lens of ADHD/ADD, but there may be similar executive function delays/impairments in individuals with ASD:

  • Self Awareness (Self Directed Attention)
  • Executive Inhibition (Self Restraint)
  • Nonverbal Working Memory (Self Directed Sensing – across time)
  • Verbal Working Memory (Self Directed Speech – talking to one’s self internally)
  • Emotion Regulation (Self-Directed Emotions)
  • Motivation Regulation (Self Directed Motivation)
  • Planning and Problem Solving (Self Directed Play)

Implications of these Executive Function impairments:

  • time blindness (nearsighted to time, difficulty with future planning and past recall)
  • intention deficit (difficulty with performing, not knowledge)
  • impairments in reciprocity and social cooperation
  • limited mental fuel tank – gets exhausted/overwhelmed easily
  • difficulty suppressing primary emotions
  • difficulty down-regulating / redirecting strong emotions

What is Executive Function? 7 Deficits tied to ADHD (Russell Barkley)

https://www.additudemag.com/7-executive-function-deficits-linked-to-adhd

The Important Role of Executive Functioning and Self Regulation in ADHD (Russell Barkley)

https://www.russellbarkley.org/factsheets/ADHD_EF_and_SR.pdf

ADHD, Self Regulation, and Executive Functioning, Implications for Management (Video 56min) Russell Barkley – 2015 Lynn Univ pt1 – 

https://youtu.be/QyN0v4aRF3Y

Transcript of video http://bit.ly/ADHDbarkley03transcript

Slide deck from video http://bit.ly/ADHDbarkley03slides

Importance of Emotion in Understanding and Managing ADHD (Video 1Hr 15min) Russell Barkley – 2015 Lynn Univ pt2

https://youtu.be/hzhL-FA2v10

Transcript of video http://bit.ly/ADHDbarkley04transcript

Slide deck from video http://bit.ly/ADHDbarkley04slides 

ADHD and Executive Functioning Deficit Disorder (Video 50min) Russell Barkley –  2012 Burnett Lecture Pt1 –

https://youtu.be/NUQu-OPrzUc

Transcript of video http://bit.ly/ADHDbarkley01transcript

ADHD  and Executive Function Theory (Video 58min) Russell Barkley – 2012 Burnett Lecture Pt2 –

https://youtu.be/QZpF2_IelWo

Transcript of video http://bit.ly/ADHDbarkley02transcript

Autism and Gut Bacteria (Lactobacillus Reuteri)

There is a growing body of research that indicates that the microbiome in the gut (stomach/digestive tract) may have a significant influence on autistic behavior. The foundational research behind this possible linkage was based on studies of mice with and without the gut bacteria Lactobacillus Reuteri. Research shows that the presence of Lactobacillus Reuteri in the gut appears to activate the vagus nerve to stimuate the release of Oxytocin, the “bonding/feel good” hormone in the brain. Here are some key articles that explore this idea, which if true, could lead to treatments that target autistic behaviors/traits.

Layman’s Overview

https://bit.ly/ASDgutBacteria_economist

Scientific Overview

  • (Science Daily 2016): A single species of gut bacteria can reverse autism-related social behavior in mice  https://bit.ly/ASDgutBacteriaLreuteri_CellPress
  • Targeting gut bacteria to treat autism (Drug Discovery News 2021, Stephanie Demarco, PHD) Scientists leverage the gut microbiome-brain connection to develop new treatments for autism spectrum disorders Article Link

Scientific Research Deep Dive

Precision microbial-based therapy rescues social deficits in genetic, environmental, and idiopathic mouse models of ASD. This rescue depends upon the vagus nerve as well as the oxytocinergic and dopaminergic signaling in the brain.

Links between particular bacteria from the indigenous gut microbiota and phenotypes relevant to ASD raise the important question of whether microbial dysbiosis plays a role in the development or presentation of ASD symptoms. Here we review reports of microbial dysbiosis in ASD. We further discuss potential effects of the microbiota on ASD-associated symptoms, drawing upon signaling mechanisms for reciprocal interactions between the microbiota, immunity, gut function and behavior. In addition, we discuss recent findings supporting a role for the microbiome as an interface between environmental and genetic risk factors that are associated with ASD.

  • Nature Medicine (Feb. 2022) Axial Therapeutics’ AB-2004 drug is in clinical trials to treat autism related behaviors. AB2004 works by absorbing (and then eliminating) certain gut bacteria  produced metabolites (such as 4EPS) which are linked to anxiety and irritability. Article Link

Red Meat (Beef) link to Lactobacillus

In order to investigate whether intake of meat proteins affects the composition and metabolic activities of gut microbiota, feces were collected from growing rats that were fed with either meat proteins (from beef, pork or fish) or non-meat proteins (casein or soy) for 14 days. The resulting composition of gut microbiota was profiled by sequencing the V4-V5 region of the 16S ribosomal RNA genes and the short chain fatty acids (SCFAs) were analyzed using gas chromatography. The composition of gut microbiota and SCFA levels were significantly different between the five diet groups. At a recommended dose of 20% protein in the diet, meat protein-fed rats had a higher relative abundance of the beneficial genus Lactobacillus, but lower levels of SCFAs and SCFA-producing bacteria including Fusobacterium, Bacteroides and Prevotella, compared with the soy protein-fed group. Further work is needed on the regulatory pathways linking dietary protein intake to gut microbiota.

Could red meat (beef) be a fast acting mood stabilizer for certain individuals who are on the autism spectrum by activating Lactobacillus Reuteri in the gut to stimulate the vagus nerve to release Oxytocin in the brain? We have reliably observed an effect in our own household with a teenager on the spectrum who responds within 10-15 minutes of ingesting red meat with reduced anxiety and a noticable change in affect toward the positive. Lack of meat protein every 4-6 hours leaves the individual in a noticeably more anxious state and the effect is tied to meat in particular and not just any food, with red meat showing the strongest and most reliable effect.

TED Talks about Autism

Temple Grandin: “The Autistic Brain” – Chicago Humanities Festival 2013

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWePrOuSeSY

Neurodiversity – the key that unlocked my world | Elisabeth Wiklander 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qvvrme5WIwA

Elisabeth Wiklander moved to Amsterdam to study and work before she acquired a highly competitive position at the London Philharmonic Orchestra. She is no stranger to trying new things and reaching for her dreams. Besides being passionate about nature, rock climbing and playing cello, Elisabeth is autistic and was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome when she was 28 years old. Until then, she had no explanations for her sometimes different thoughts and behaviour.

Autism: How to be normal (and why not to be) | Jolene Stockman

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSLdzdwlb_I

Jolene Stockman may appear normal from the outside, but it’s what’s invisible that gives her a superpower. Jolene shares her life since being diagnosed with autism.   launched Braincandy, a media company specialising in transforming communication in 1998. She caught fire! Creating educational resources and supporting business growth through powerful writing and video – all fueled by humour and positivity. 

What Being Autistic Taught Me About Being Human | Daniel Wendler

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KeMW2Asu8vg

Daniel Wendler grew up bullied, lonely, and awkward because of his diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome, which is a condition on the autism spectrum. But when he started reaching out to other “outsiders”, he discovered that he was not alone in his search for friendship​ and that the solution to our human need for connection can be found when we create a place of belonging for someone else. Daniel Wendler is the author of the books Improve Your Social Skills and Level Up Your Social Life as well as the website ImproveYourSocialSkills.com. 

Invisible Diversity: A Story Of Undiagnosed Autism | Carrie Beckwith-Fellows

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cF2dhWWUyQ4

 she shares the reality of living with autism and Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, a complex and life-limiting illness. Diagnosed as autistic at the age of 35 has allowed Carrie to explore the world again from a new perspective. Aware that a late diagnosis can cause issues with identity, relationships and perception, she launched a website that explores the unique post-diagnosis experience to raise awareness and to support other autists diagnosed as adults.

Autism – what we know (and what we don’t know ) / Wendy Chung

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wKlMcLTqRLs

    • biological basis and contributions to Autism

Jac den Houting – diagnosis of autism at 25 (made her life better)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1AUdaH-EPM

    • neurodiversity paradigm
    • Social model of disability
    • double empathy problem

Autism: A Quick Trip To My Home Planet (Monique Botha)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCAErePScO0Women and Autism. Towards a Better Understanding | Sarai Pahla | TEDxMunster (16:03)

https://youtu.be/_MA7o6FgPRU 

    • Greatest fear – won’t be accepted for who you are (romantic relationship)
    • need formula for success
    • Rational approach to dating
    • Dealing with conversation is one of the most overwhelming things possible. Better to sit next to each other and text back and forth
    • Profoundly insightful. 

Copy and Paste – Hidden Asperger’s – Girls with Aspergers | Niamey McCann | TedTalk (10:09)          MASKING in ASD Women

https://youtu.be/QY2ctCuTWPw 

    • masking : superficial social competence – copy and paste social interactions
    • Conversations become math problems
    • Failed autism test (got a zero) because the test failed her and did not capture her nuances. 
    • Got correct diagnosis in the end – not through ADOS but in spite of it. 

Behind the Mask: Autism for Women and Girls / Kate Kahle / TED Talk (13:41)

https://youtu.be/Tbes1mm2VgM

    • Autism spectrum wheel
    • Masking in women

Asperger’s – My Purpose is Bigger than My Fear | Gretchen McIntire | TEDxNatick (12:32)   

https://youtu.be/Yyb9ZirKnkw 

Podcast Episodes

GRACE MYHILL – Director of Neurodiverse Couples Institute & Partners and Couples Services at AANE

https://www.couplestherapistcouch.com/blog/098-neurodiverse-couples-with-grace-myhill

  • Grace Myhill – Neurodiversity: Why Neurology Matters in Couple’s Work (61:19) Timestamped Notes

https://www.spreaker.com/user/mhnrnetwork/springbrook-converge-autism-grace-neurod

  • Grace Myhill – “Ask Grace” Creating understanding for the ND Spouse (67min) Timestamped Notes

https://www.spreaker.com/user/mhnrnetwork/ask-grace-creating-understanding-for-the ND Spouse

  • Grace Myhill – “Ask Grace” Creating Understanding for the NT Spouse – Part 2 (49:38) Timestamped Notes

https://www.spreaker.com/user/mhnrnetwork/ask-grace-creating-understanding-for-the-NT-Spouse 

  • Grace Myhill on Questions and Answers: Common Challenges and Realistic Strategies for Neurodiverse Couples -AANE Video (58min)

https://vimeo.com/ondemand/neurodiversity

  • Grace MyHill interview – Navigating Neurodiverse Relationships, with Grace Myhill, MSW | Spectrumly Speaking ep. 27 (36min)

https://www.differentbrains.org/navigating-neurodiverse-relationships-grace-myhill-msw-spectrumly-speaking-ep-27/

NEURODIVERSE LOVE podcast by Mona Kay (Exceptional podcast episodes)

Clean Audio version:    https://bit.ly/NDwordpicsA

Word pictures that describe the experience of an NT partner in and ND relationship:
1) The Onion of Loneliness-there are 3 dimensions/layers to this word picture. They include the loneliness with your partner because you have very different needs; the loneliness when friends and family don’t believe you or understand what you are experiencing; and the loneliness when you feel hopeless that things can’t or won’t ever change.
2) Cup-vs-Barrel/Pond-vs-Stream-each partner has differing needs and different thresholds for feeling satiated in regards to the quality and quantity of connection. Each partner also has different ways in which time is navigated.
3) Wedding Day as a Finish Line-vs-Starting Line. One partner may feel that the wedding day was the end goal and the other may feel it was the beginning of a new adventure with lots of opportunities for connection ahead. In addition, one partner may seek stability and routine in the marriage, while the other is looking to grow and have lots of new experiences together.
4) The Egg of Marriage addresses masking and how others may see a very different version of the neurodivergent partner, as they only see the shell of the egg, not what is inside. In addition, each partner may have very different executive function skills and this may impact the appearance of the egg yolk which can’t be seen by people outside the relationship.

  • Enoch part 2 – Differences in Executive Functioning and Emotional Fluency Using Word Pictures #5-7 (Jan 16, 2024 S6 E24 1hr10min)

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/neurodiverse-love-with-mona-kay/id1592158371?i=1000642650276

audio: https://bit.ly/NDwordpicsB

The 5 A’s of Attunement that NT’s need for intimacy: Acknowledge treasures; Anticipate needs; Accommodate; Appreciate; and Adore

5) Monochrome vs Color worlds: emotional fluency differences and the ability to perceive and react in real time and not through a cognitive algorithmic analysis. -when one partner experiences things through contrast and the other through nuance and intensity. When partners show and/or talk about their feelings in different ways (verbal and/or non-verbal)

6) CPU’s – Single threaded vs multi-threaded processors :this word picture addresses executive functioning and the effect it can have on “time awareness”; the ability to handle multiple realities at the same time (theory of mind); the importance of a “hypervisor” to conduct the different streams; and process sensory inputs (non-verbal communication)

7) The new car (funny car): The Funny Car-is usually found on a drag race strip and excels at what it does. When the car is purchased and it is taken off the track it has trouble managing traffic, braking, and turning sharp corners.

Three critical questions each NT partner must face: 1) Where on the “spectrum” does the NT find themselves between a partner and a caregiver? 2) What are reasonable expectations that an NT may have if the there is a relational disability in one of the partners? 3) Are there enough positives to sustain the relationship that may be lacking in some types of reciprocity and partnership?

DIVERGENT CONVERSATIONS (Dr. Megan Anna Neff, and Patrick Casale, both AuDHD Mental Health Professionals) These are from the perspective of mental health professionals who are both Autistic and ADHD